For moments I sat there as my face was soaked. I no longer felt the cold of it, only a blessed numbness. I turned my face slowly away and opened my eyes. Around the room lay remnants of my life, things that had meant something to me once, things that lay as dead and lifeless as I felt. My flute lay on the floor, sheet music scattered all around. The memories haunted me. Images of my playing, my total surrender to the power of the notes and the melody brought a fresh rush of tears to my eyes. I had spent many years practicing and perfecting the talent of musician. There was a freedom of expression that had caught me and pulled me in. So many thoughts and feelings were spelled out in little black dots with lines and squiggles. Sad that I was going to let it all disappear into nothingness. My books lay in the opposite corner, near the shattered glass of the wine bottle. Dozens of stacks of books…novels, short stories, reference books, journals. I had loved to read. The stories on pages. " There is that "join the club"saying again. There are too many feminine things to learn in this club!She asked me to take my dress off so that she could do my bodymeasurements and estrogen shot. Sally looked pleased with my bustlineand my figure development. She asked what size bra I had on and I toldher a 36B. After measuring, she suggested I need a bigger bra. Mybreasts were popping out of the cups. My wife chimed right in and said"I told you, Terry. He has larger bras upstairs, but he is not wearingthem".I looked like I was going to cry. Sally asked what was wrong. I told herI really don't want a bigger chest. I didn't want to wear a bigger bra.Sally smiled and said "I have no control over your figure or bustdevelopment. Your records show you might develop into a D cup, so youbetter get ready for a well developed bustline. You will need very goodsupportive bras. Women love to have beautiful breasts, Terry. You willsomeday think large breasts are beautiful. You will see, trust.
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