I swallowed and forced a small smile onto my face. Three years ago I'd lost my best friend when she left me for a man, for a family. I hadn't listened to all the hints she'd no doubt dropped me, and I'd lost her as a friend as well as a lover.It was all happening again, and this time I knew I'd better be able to handle the transition from lover to friend or I'd lose Lisa. And Ted. I'd screwed up again, somehow.It dawned on me as I took a drink to clear my throat of the massive lump in it that the issue must be the baby. By getting pregnant, I'd made them feel threatened. Oh, God.It took a couple of sips before I felt like I could speak in a normal voice. "I understand, Lisa, and it's okay."Lisa smiled at me. "Thank you, Hawk. I do love you."Yeah, as a friend. I got that. Life sucked. Taking another sip to give me room to maneuver, I put up a wall between the hurt and me. I needed to get away before I did something else wrong."I need to hit the ladies room," I said with the best smile. ..it's tough for you to pull off that look."I stepped back fuming. I clamped my lips shut and my jaw began to quiverand to my absolute shock and amazement, I began to cry.Tears welled up in my eyes and began to run down my cheeks. I wasshocked: I had never cried before in my life but now I couldn't stop. Ibegan to sob and shake all over I was crying so hard.Scott stood up and began to come closer to me. "My God, is he going totry and comfort me? Is this really happening?" my panicked mind thought.I put my hands up and out to keep him back.He stopped and seemed to respect my distance as I turned my back toregain my composure. "I tried to look intimidating and frightful but allhe sees is a tiny little girl. That's all I am now...a little 5 foot tallblonde girl"***I felt bad, I wasn't trying to make her cry but I was just pointing outthe obvious. She was acting super crazy last night and knocked my ass outand now she's standing there crying. As she stood with her back to me Idid my best.
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