I was in agony but not the good kind. Through tear-stained eyes, I scanned the instructions for any remedy. Failing that, I glanced at the floor and discovered my critical mistake. Instead of grabbing lube from my junk drawers, I had mistakenly picked up Gorilla Glue. The harder I tugged the more it hurt. (I seem to recall Daddy saying that on occasion ) I even resorted to prayer like a convict on death row. I knew it was futile. I've always suspected God has Prayer ID on his Motorola flip phone and when my name popped up he would tell his secretary, Marilyn Monroe, not to pick up or she'd be fucking the Kennedy boys in Hell for all eternity. Hence, my prayers remain unanswered. Just once I wanted to hear his resonating Pee Wee Herman-like voice.Being the eternal optimist, I found solace knowing I hadn't used the DP attachment or I'd be constipated for a long, long time. I had to traverse the ten feet to my phone somehow for any hope of salvation. Struggling to my feet, I began to. She helped me get dressed and with my makeup.When she was done, there was Elvira again. We headed forthe party at her bosses house and on the way, I got morelooks than you could shake a stick at. All the guys werejust staring and so were some of the women.We walked up to the door and it was opened by a maid thatlooked very much like her bosses husband. Peggy toldeveryone that I was out of town and that she had justarrived at the same time as the girl dressed as Elvira andhad no idea who she was. We mingled with the other guests,but in different directions. I couldn't believe how manytimes I was hit on, and not by just the guys. There was onegirl dressed as a Gladiator, that just wouldn't leave mealone. I just loved it.Peggy walked over to me and said, "I've been watching youand that Gladiator, and I'm getting jealous. But, I don'tknow of whom. Do you want her?" No, I want you." Do you want both of us?"Now, I was beginning to wonder a little bit. I smiled alittle. And, noticed.
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