With me and she had the nerve to say to me one day that if I used some makeup to cover my freckles and maybe conditioned my hair, I wouldn’t be bad looking. I told her to fuck off. Anyway, freckles and bleached hair come with surfing and there’s nothing I can do about it. Jack and I took off around six to get something to eat. Afterwards, we drove to an adult store in Huntington where Jack rented a porn video he wanted me to see. It opened with a shot of a girl coming home from school. She built kind of tiny and didn’t look any older than me, and I look young for my age. I said so to Jack, but he said the actresses had to be eighteen in these movies. The girl goes to her room–which was pink and really girly and made me want to barf—and then she goes downstairs dressed in just an extra small bikini top with her pussy showing. I noticed she shaved the whole thing, like I do…well, like Jack does. He shaves it for me ‘cause I have trouble doing it by myself. And there’s this guy out on. Murphy is a woman whose compelling desire is to be used and degraded by men and I ache to use and degrade her with the greatest of respect. I love the paradox of Murphy and deem it astounding that sexually, she is an Irish subordinate. There aren’t a lot of those women around; she’s like rich chocolate milk served in a fine gold, Eucharistic chalice. How could I not want her? Loving her would put me in competition with her husband and I don’t wish to compete with him, I want simply to fuck his wife and send her home to him used goods. Well used. I want to be grateful to him for blessing our union if only for a night or a weekend. I want him to be grateful to me for fulfilling their fantasy. It’s symbiosis. She wants to be used and degraded. He wants her to be used and degraded and I want to use her. We’re the perfect storm. If my wish is granted at the bar, by mutual agreement, I will give Murphy fifty dollars for our time together and she will hand it to her husband and he, in turn,.
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