“No one” I tell you. Using your body to guide me you lay me down on the bed. You straddle my legs and one hand goes to my neck to hold my face down. You raise your other hand and bring it down to my ass.WHACK! Before I even had a chance to react you do it again. WHACK!“Who do you belong to?” you say louder.With my ass starting to heat up I start to struggle under you. I have to keep reminding myself that I will not submit. “I belong to ME!”I feel you lean over but I cannot see what you are doing. “Who. WHACK! Do. WHACK! You. WHACK! Belong. WHACK! To? WHACK!” you say louder.“Jesus! Fucking! Christ!” I yell. I turn my head just enough to see you holding the paddle. You raise it again and look at me.“Answer the fucking question whore!” you yell at me.“I belong to ME!” I yell back.You get off me and flip me over. I start to struggle with you grabbing and kicking at whatever I can. You grab my legs and yank them open and crawl in between them. You stop and take a moment to look at me. I. However, his employers persuaded the insurance company to pay up and I received a considerable sum of money. But I didn't want any money. I wanted Billy back. Without him, life wasn't worth living."I went into a state of deep depression, refusing to eat and sleeping very little. I didn't have the guts to commit suicide, but I was in the process of killing myself slowly by refusing my body the food and sleep it needed. When Billy's parents noticed the decline in my physical and mental health, they had me placed immediately in a hospital where I could receive psychiatric treatment."There were daily sessions with psychiatrists and psychoanalysts. It took me a long time to accept that Billy had gone for ever, that nothing could bring him back and that my life had to go on. When my physical health had recovered and the doctors were confident that I wouldn't do myself any harm, I was released from hospital. I continue to see a psychoanalyst twice a week. It was her who suggested I should.
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