They ignored me beforeI had the ponytail.When I came home, Mum was sitting with an old woman. She looked veryposh. I wanted to rush to my bedroom and take the elastic out of myhair. However Mum called me in. She introduced me to the old lady, whosename was Miss Dumby."Killian, this is Miss Dumby. She has seen your webpage and has seen youat the last wedding. She would like to ask you something..." Mum started."Nice to meet you Killian," the strange woman started, "I know it isstrange for you to see me here. Well the fact is that I have beenkeeping an eye on you and your mum since I first heard about you. Inoticed that you often have to take care of yourself when your mothertakes her.... Err her medicine. I have offered your mother to babysit you,so she could... well she can rest." Mum! I can take care of myself!" Well you see Killian," the lady continued, "I am a lonely woman. I haveno family and I wanted to adopt a girl, and indeed I was interested in agirl your age, and we were. She's been having an affair with her literary agent. Go ask him. She packed her bags and everything. I'll be filing divorce papers on Monday." She has had an accident, but we can't tell you anything more at this time."I did my best to look surprised, but was really too drunk and depressed to really much care. That settled most of their questions right off of the bat. Good, because in my current state I wasn't entirely sure what answers I was giving. It did appear that my fairly genuine performance of a cuckolded and abandoned husband was spot on the mark and didn't raise any red flags with the officers. They weren't investigators; they were just patrol cops that got the call from dispatch to notify the next of kin.I told them to look around anywhere they wanted and I went into the kitchen to wage war with Rita's sophisticated Italian coffee maker. I was a sleepy, maudlin drunk at the moment and wanted some coffee to sober up enough to become a fully wide awake drunk. I fought with.
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