Pity, sympathy, anger, Jane didn't want to see it."Alright," Arthur broke the small silence, "we're not going to pretend we aren't thinking about him, so I'm going to make a toast. But then we're all going to talk and laugh and have a good time, like we used to, because we all know that's how he liked it."Jane was grateful to him. The mods may have let him see that it needed to happen, but that didn't make the gesture any less genuine. Arthur raised his glass, and the rest at the table followed suit."To Patrick Appet. Hell of a pilot, hell of a friend, hell of a lover, or so he liked to say. Hell of a man." Patrick Appet," Jane and the other five repeated. The emotion they filled the two words with caught her by surprise. There was a fervor there still, even after so long; the toast hadn't just been for her, they all still felt the loss. The knot in Jane's stomach loosened by the tiniest fraction, and for the first time all day she felt just a little bit better."A captain now huh?. ‘Duncan, let’s leave it where it is, OK?’ she asked. ‘Somehow I can’t feel what we’ve done has been cheating on Gerry. But he certainly wouldn’t feel the same way. I can’t explain it, but us… These few days… It seems like I’ve stepped outside my life. I will probably be miserable about this later.’ ‘Helen, please God! I don’t want you feeling bad about yourself. You are a married woman… Damn it! Nothing that happened was intended. And I don’t know now how we could have prevented it. That sounds weak, but it’s the way I feel.’ They were silent a while longer, then Duncan asked, ‘What route are you following today? Are you still going to Lake Chelan?’ ‘Yes, Duncan. Maybe Gerry will come home and join me. It’s already rented and he would expect to find me there. We were going to take the little state road from here to Highway 2, so I’ll do the same. Then I’ll follow 2 and cross the Columbia just North of Wenatchee. Then I’ll just follow the river North. I expect to take my time, but.
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