The air was full of the chatter and chirp of birds. I watched a brightgreen and red hummingbird dart among the blackberry flowers beforezipping off in a blur of motion, and could hear and see innumerablesmall birds flitting among the bushes and tree branches.And the insects. They were everywhere, beetles and sap feeders crawlingover the leaves, hoverflies skimming just above the flowing water of thestream, clouds of gnats spiraling around seemingly fixed points in theair. Patrolling dragonflies crisscrossed over my head; iridescentstreaks of brilliant color searching for food.Shoals of tiny minnows flashed away from my feet to take shelter amongthe willow roots as I splashed down the center of the creek. I breatheddeeply, taking in the good smells of water and flowers and wild rankgreen growth.It was beautiful, life incarnate, the natural habitat a man was meantfor, such a contrast to the cold sterile death that flowed through thehalls of the hospital.I'd done something good today.. "OK, OK, forget I asked." Michelle waived off the subject. Michelle forgot the daydream very quickly.Outside the doors of the administrative office, Beth made one more plea not to be "fed to the lions." Michelle's heart bled for her. She wanted to wrap her up and shield her from what Michelle knew she had to face, if not today then tomorrow. Postponing would only make things harder. Harder to jump into the fray later if they could not release their son. Harder to adjust to being female because she had been sheltered and promised that wouldn't happen. And although Michelle would never say it audibly, she believed it would make it harder to answer to what was in all likelihood her permanent identity. Because of her past experience she would believe it when she saw it!More than anything else she wanted to tell her, now daughter, that yes, she did understand. She understood every feeling, every sensation. She knew what it was like to feel like things were missing off of you or that alien.
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