When had she done those? And what else had she done without even thinking about it? So many of her household chores were getting to be like that lately, as mechanical and unnoticed a part of her existence as breathing. She sighed, pushed the hair away from her eyes with the back of her hand and turned to look around the kitchen. It usually seemed bright to her but today, despite the blazing sun outside, everything looked dingy and yellowed. Everything – from the dusty, dried flower arrangement with the oddly canted, broken cattail that took pride of place on the kitchen table in between the mismatched salt and pepper shakers, to the haphazard collection of brightly colored refrigerator magnets holding up an assortment of fading recipes, postcards and notes – it all seemed to have lost whatever meaning it had ever had for her. It was just junk, at the same time both embarrassingly intimate and utterly impersonal. Like the discarded remnants of someone elses life. Someone who’d moved. After that day we continued to size each other up. We measured length and thickness and logged results. We were obsessed with how much pubic hair we had. And we always ended our sessions by seeing how far we could jack off.We also watched lots of porn videos together while our parents were away. The vaginal sex scenes were fun to watch. But we already knew that was what sex was all about from first learning about it in sex education class. What was mind-blowing was seeing a girl put a guy's penis in her mouth and then watching her swallow the cum. Up until then, we had no idea that girls really did this and we wondered how it would feel to have a penis sucked on.We tried – in our awkward ways – to get some girls at our school to suck us off. But none would do it. Finally, we decided it was okay to suck each other off. We just had to know how a mouth felt compared to our hands.We never looked at the guy who was cocksucking us. That would be gay. Instead, we closed our eyes and imagined.
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