That relief lasted all of two seconds before she broke into hysterical tears, whimpering, then pleading, "We will always love you, but don't tell anyone else or your life will be ruined forever!" (Damn, Mom, you're harshing my buzz. How rude.) I immediately left her alone with her sorrow, stumbling back to my room, my own tears flowing. Adding to my misery, I discovered my vibe batteries were dead. (Fuck the Energizer bunny!) "What a perfect day," I muttered with a degree of sarcasm even Chandler Bing would admire.I did take her advice initially. I told no one. I didn't want to be ostracized like a Chick-Fil-A rep at an Elton John concert. None of this secrecy curbed my desire for girl-on-girl shenanigans. I just didn't know where to start. Even our gym teacher was straight. I felt star-crossed like in an updated version of Shakespeare's "Juliet and Juliet." In retrospect, I know it's easier for gay girls than guys in a way because guys seem to like lesbians (or at least watching. Well, a lot of what we said I just want to ... well, I'll tell Joyce everything, eventually. I already told her earlier about talking to Daddy. But I'll tell you every word sometime soon," she said to her sister. "It was the most vivid dream that I've ever had," she finished.Jeff didn't have the foggiest notion of what to say, so just hugged them and waited.Quietly, Caitlin continued, "I guess I really don't know why, but I'm more at peace about Daddy's death than I've been since it happened. Oh, I still miss him every bit as much, and now that I've 'talked' to him, that part is probably even worse, but somehow I'm not feeling guilty any more. He was adamant about me moving on with my life, and he made it clear that he meant Joyce, too."Caitlin sat still for a moment. Taking Joyce's hand, she brought it to her lips and kissed it. "I didn't tell you this before. I guess because I worried I was pushing my luck as it was, but he told me to tell you that you could talk to him just like I.
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