.. I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him.I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the. Few mourned his passing, for few had had much contact with him, but all wondered what change the advent of a new Emir, may he live for ever, would bring. In a harem of three wives and sixty concubines, a woman did not sleep with the Emir very often, and there was no social contact between the sexes, with the exception of the Head Wife. None of the present concubines had met the Emir before her first encounter with him in a bedroom. None had entered his bedroom more than twice a year, some only once in their lives. The Head Wife, Djamilla, and the second, Davina, had spent a number of nights in his room, but even they were rarely able to see him at their own request.Djamilla, the late Emir Ibrahim's Head Wife was the most apprehensive of all the women, since she alone of the wives and concubines remembered his accession and the way he had had dealt with his father's harem. Every female had been strangled on the first day of his reign, even the bath slaves and the kitchen hands. The.
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