I've never been much of a talker. Remember how you used to kid me about that, Shan?Kelly's friend Maddie brought a lot of pain back, but seeing you and Kelly today made it all clear. It isn't my time to be with you yet. I still have a lot of living to do.But I miss the two of you so much. I tormented myself a long time with the what ifs, but I can't go back. I can't change things and have you both here. I can't keep living in the past. I didn't even realize I was back there so much 'til DiNozzo barged into my life.I think you guys would like him. He's sharp, smart, loyal. He pretends to be a shallow fratboy, but he's so much more. And he's the one who is there just as much as Ducky. For so long I pushed Tony away but he keep coming back without complaint. He kept caring and worrying. And yeah, loving me.I've known he loves me for a while now.It isn't just the sex. It was never just the sex. He makes me feel things—frustration, anger, affection, pride, lust, desire. Not only the. But asthe days went on and the start of school grew closer, I became more onedge, wondering if I had the stones to pull off the greatest costumestunt ever, only it was no longer a costume, but a way of life. Oh, andI had my first period. One of the blood packs had finally let go. Momwas all matter of fact about it, but I freaked out when I saw theblood. It was disgusting having to take care of that, but mom saidthat's what girls do, so I might as well get used to it! Shelly thoughtit was funny in a way, but on the other hand she was also shocked thatthe panty was that realistic. See, I hadn't exactly told her about thatfunction, or any of the others, ashamed of them in a way.About two weeks before school started mom showed me the newdocumentation; birth certificate, school records, a library card, andseveral other items, all with the name Lisa on them! The school sent usa packet of recommended items that I would need, plus the names ofseveral stores that sold the uniforms we were.
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