”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I’ll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.Then I remembered the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door’s garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said. On the Friday, Amanda and Jill were talking on the phone for ages and when she eventually hung up, she came into the study where I was working on the PC and said. ‘Jill and James have invited us over tomorrow. Do you want to go or not?’ ‘They are our best friends, so yes, I would like to go.’ ‘I’ll just ring her back to confirm then.’ She replied rather icily, I thought. That conversation was indicative of how our relationship was working at that time. The following evening, we turned up at their home and after an awkward first half an hour or so, Jill came right out and said. ‘Look, Amanda and I want to apologise for not talking to you two first before agreeing to this trip to Tenerife. We realise that we could have handled it better, but we didn’t think you would have any objections. After all, you accepted our spa weekend with hardly a comment.’ James and I looked at one another, deciding who was going to be the first to respond. He nodded to me and I replied for both of us..
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